Dream Walking
by Logfella
Summary: A longing for orange fizz soda and a coin later, Xanxus begins dream walking. (Inception inspired)


**TW: Mentions of Self Harm**

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Viper slaps Xanxus' hand away from the euro placed precariously on the edge of the low table.

"Don't touch."

Being a 16 year old leader of the Varia with the patience and calmness of a soccer mom during a semifinals match, Xanxus growls and tries again. Viper snatches it before he can even move a millimeter towards it.

"What the fuck, trash? I know you're greedy as fuck but just let me get a goddamn orange fizz with this euro."

Viper flips the coin in their hand, Xanxus squints at the object in annoyance, slightly entranced at the glimmer it gives off. Viper sighs and stashes it in their pocket.

"Ask Squalo."

Xanxus cracks neck. This is what he gets for being kind and eating out with his team every once in a while, huh? A blaring horn across the plaza has him steaming, wanting nothing more to just shoot at it and the baby for not giving him the damn euro for his damn orange fizz. He's above stealing from a vending machine.

"If you can't tell, the shitty shark isn't here. Just you and me, baby, so give me the damn coin for my damn orange fizz so I can take my damn nap."

Viper takes a shot of their espresso and slams it on the coffee shop table.

"No."

Xanxus slams his hands on the table, the majority of the patrons of the small coffee shop looking to the two before quickly resuming their business.

"Trash."

Viper floats up, their coat billowing. They pull out their coin purse, the jangling irritating Xanxus beyond belief. They throw a coin at him, one less shiny and appealing than that other one.

"This is going on your tab."

Viper flies off at the speed of light, narrowly avoiding the roar of an angered teenager not getting what he wants.

.

.

The empty orange fizz is thrown, crashing through the wooden column of the study, lodging itself in it. Viper is just beneath where it's stuck.

Viper clenches their jaw at the racket of their irritable Boss.

"What?"

Xanxus dropkicks a chair at Viper, who stops it with their flames.

"What stick is up your ass, shitty baby? What the fuck is up with you and that fucking coin?"

Viper glares at the Varia leader.

"Mine."

A brilliant answer from a brilliant baby, but it doesn't stop Xanxus. He closes the gap between them. Viper is considering taking the next jet to Ecuador to give them self a break.

Xanxus crouches down on the plush carpet, staring down the Arcobaleno. Handsome, Viper thinks, noting that he'll grow more into his features. Maybe he'll steal his look one day to break in somewhere for the hell of it.

"That's no ordinary coin, is it?"

Oh yes, Viper is definitely breaking into Buckingham Palace using Xanxus' look.

"Says who?"

Xanxus juts his chin out, eyeing the baby up and down with those chilling crimson eyes.

"I'm not leader of the Varia for nothing, Viper."

Viper scoffs, slamming their book shut.

"And you didn't join just because of the pay."

Viper throws the book at Xanxus, annoyed at their boss' correct guesses. Of course not just for high pay. Xanxus is an apt leader who doesn't bore them.

They'll never let Xanxus know that.

But-

"This is the only time I'm cutting you a deal, Xanxus."

Xanxus falls back onto the floor, crossing his legs and staring down his Mist Guardian.

"And what deal is that?"

Viper snaps their fingers. "I'll teach you about dreams for full price. No extra charge."

Xanuxs stares, and stares, and laughs.

"Dreams? What the fuck."

He laughs and Viper is reconsidering doubling the price.

Viper smashes a pillow in his face. Maybe smothering him to death will get him to shut up.

Xanxus yanks it off and stares hard at Viper.

"Really going to try and kill me now?"

"Yes."

Xanxus rolls his eyes and tosses the pillow behind him, hitting a lamp and knocking it over in the process. That's not coming out of Viper's paycheck.

"Since you're shit serious about this, I'll take you up on this deal to see whatever's stuck up your ass."

Viper smirks. They love money.

"This," they start, pulling out the euro from earlier. Xanxus eyes it, liking that strange shine it has, "is my totem."

He moves to grab it, but Viper draws back this time.

"Don't touch. Ever."

Xanxus raises a brow. He notes the sharp edge in the tone. His hand drops in his lap, rather liking his hand being attached to his limb.

"And why's that?"

Viper thumbs the euro, almost like in a trance, taking a moment to consider their words.

"I guess you can call it my lifeline."

Viper flips it in the air, it gives off that odd shine, before snatching it midair. Xanxus' finger twitches. He wants to look at it more but Viper is deliberately making it difficult for him to do so.

"It's the only thing that keeps me from losing myself."

"This has to do with dreams?"

Viper nods.

"This isn't an ordinary coin. I've crafted this from metal myself, but the weight isn't the same. Neither is the balance. Deliberately so. It looks like any ordinary coin, but I'm the only one who knows it's difference from the weight of it."

Viper tucks it in their cloak.

"And so do I now."

Viper nods in agreement, "Yes, but you don't know what the exact weight is, the balance of it, unless you hold it."

Viper's eyes are forever hidden under the cloak, but Xanxus can feel the weight of their stare on him. "You dare take this from me and I will kill you, Xanxus."

Xanxus shrugs, throwing his hands up. "I'm not taking it, shitty baby."

Viper's fingers mimic the thumbing of the coin from a moment ago. He realizes that Viper doesn't notice that they're doing it.

"I use it to test if I am in the real world, no longer in the dream, mine or someone else's."

Xanxus leans back on his hands, careful to avoid watching their fingers nonstop circular movement.

"This isn't some shitty kid's game is it." It's not a question, so much as a calming realizing statement.

Something much too real if an Arcobaleno is taking measures against something as surreal as dreams.

They shake their head. Beyond just a kid's game then.

"Now that I think about it, it'd be good for a leader to know how to protect themselves from all threats, even in the dream."

Xanxus smirks, "So not just training for fun, is it?"

Viper huffs a small laugh. "It seems so."

Xanxus feels a small flutter of pride in his chest for choosing his Guardians so well.

"All right, baby, let's get this started."

Viper's phone is in hand before Xanxus has time to blink.

"We'll be needing some things before we start. Go use the bathroom. I hate working in the rain."

.

.

Viper is only a head shorter than Xanxus as they sit on the edge of the fountain. The sprays of water hit his back lightly which Xanxus doesn't mind.

"The dream is infinite, so long as you know so."

Xanxus rests an elbow on his knee, taking in the landscape. It's a quaint village. The rolling hills are just beyond the buildings that loom over them, their history casting shadows on them. The people, none pay attention to them.

"How so?"

Viper takes a bite from a sandwich, considering how to put it simply for their leader. They know talking about dreams can be hard to grasp.

"Say you have two mirrors. How can you make more mirrors with just two of them?"

Xanxus glances at his Guardian. There was something off about that sandwich.

"Face them to each other."

Viper snaps their fingers. Xanxus looks ahead, only to be faced with himself. He looks behind him, on the other side of the fountain, there's a mirror there too.

"Nice illusions, but what does this have to do with dreams?"

Viper smirks. They love this part. "Who says it's an illusion?"

Xanxus has an insult to throw but stops, actually looking at Viper. When did Viper become taller?

Xanxus looks around the village, taking note that he doesn't actually know this village.

"Do you remember how we came here?"

He furrows his brows in thought. "No."

"Just like dreams, you never remember how it starts, or how it ends, but the middle is where we always end up, isn't it?"

Xanxus looks at the food in his Guardian's hand. The sandwich explodes.

Not the usual explode into ash and fire, but the pieces explode away from each other.

That's definitely not normal. His ears begin ringing, in tune with the ground shaking.

"Don't be alarmed, boss. Concentrate."

Xanxus closes his eyes and breathes. His temper is always on the edge but he knows when to reign it in, mainly when he feels like reigning it in. Right now, cutting loose won't help strengthen his mind.

The ringing ceases, so does the shaking. Xanxus opens his eyes. The fountain they're sitting on is right in front of them. And there's another one beyond that one when he leans over to look around the front one. There's more beyond that one.

"Dreams are unlimited. You could say there are no rules to it."

Xanxus stands up and walks forward, touching the copy fountain.

"But that's not to say there aren't rules, right?"

Viper hovers to him, nodding. "When creating dreams, you must never copy areas in exact detail."

Xanxus hops on the fountain, standing on the edge. Viper follows. "So you don't lose yourself in the dream."

Viper hums. "Yes. I'm sure you can guess, but illusionists are closest to working with dreams than any one else. Many have lost themselves in the dreams, either their own or someone else's. They grow too attached to the dream, they forget the rule to not copy from the real world. Taking one step in the water is one step closer to drowning."

Xanxus keeps an eye on Viper. They waver on the edge of the fountain.

"How do we wake from the dream?"

His voice cuts through the momentary silence, almost like jolting Viper out of a trance.

"Two ways. Dying a quick death, or a kick."

Xanxus thinks back to his own dreams. "Like falling off cliffs?"

Viper turns to him. "Yes, a common one. But I'm not ordinary when it comes to my waking so please, die."

Viper shoots him.

Fucking baby.

"Next time we do that, I'll be the one to kill you, trash."

Viper grins cheekily, very much enjoying that moment killing boss. How often does someone get to do that?

"You can try but you'll never touch me."

Xanxus rips the chords out of his arm and stands up. He glares at the machine then to Viper. He walks to the phone to yell at the chefs to bring him a sandwich. Viper retrieves their totem and holds it delicately, muttering something like a mantra under their breath.

Xanxus rolls his shoulders, flopping himself on his chair.

"We'll pick this up next week, Viper."

Viper jumps, his voice breaking through the trance again.

"Yes."

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.

 _Keep it small, study it, this will be your totem.  
_  
That's what Viper told him, and after much yelling and shooting at Squalo and others, Xanxus settled on a cufflink.

Easy to keep on him at all times and not have people question it.

Cancelling plans to eat with Timoteo and his brothers (not the first time to happen), he visited an old woman in a sagging shack in the hills that specializes in metal work. An expert in her field, the townspeople told him of the marvelous metals she created for the town that brought them fame.

They love her and her tenacity, she being the family of the village.

Xanxus only yelled once in demands, but decided to not do so again when she repeatedly tried to stab him with a hot iron.

"Kids shouting at their elders these days," she growled, pounding a sheet of metal with a hammer.

Xanxus rolled his eyes, then dodge the hammer thrown at him.

"If you can dodge a hammer you can work on your project."

"That doesn't make any fucking sense, hag."

"When you get older, you realize making sense doesn't matter in this world."

Whatever.

Her method of teaching Xanxus was throwing him straight into the work, besides telling him the hazards and the basics of making what he wants. She didn't question him. She didn't give him a history of metal or the art of it.

"If you want to make something then I'll help you make it." That's all she said when Xanxus asked why she even bothered. She also said being paid is part of why she does it.

"Totem?"

Xanxus held up the steaming cufflink with the tongs. He grunted a yes.

"Ah."

He designed it into a feather to make it look not so plain if he's always going to have it with him.

He paid her in cash, and she gave him dinner. Of fucking course he stayed for the food. Swallowing his pasta, Xanxus watched the old lady fiddle with her necklace. She'd been doing it all day.

"Totem?"

She winked at him.

.

.

"Stop killing me you piece of shit!" Xanxus yelled when he woke from the dream.

Once a week they have dream sessions to strengthen Xanxus' mind, teach him about creating. To say Xanxus is the least creative person is close to hitting the nail on the head.

Xanxus holds his totem, feeling it's weight. He's awake.

Viper doesn't respond to his outrage. Xanxus growls and strides over to the baby laying on the other couch. He slaps them. No movement.

"Oh fuck me."

Xanxus tears the chords from Viper, shaking his Guardian violently.

He knows it's futile, Viper only rolls around like a doll from his shaking.

"You are out of your goddamn mind if you think I'm letting you stay there."

Xanxus reaches inside himself, grasping onto his flames, and taking it out. His hands burst in brilliant orange, encompassing Viper, twisting into a small flame that disappears in their chest.

Viper gasps awake, tremors racking through their small body.

Xanxus knows Viper's mind is shaken, almost breaking whenever they dip, but to think after 3 sessions-

"Let me go, Xanxus."

He does, watching Viper shakily grab their totem and flip it many times.

It takes minutes for the Mist to stop shaking and then seconds for them to calm their breathing.

"A month and we'll continue."

Xanxus doesn't argue.

.

.

Bel whines to Xanxus about Viper's quiet demeanor and that "They're no fun to stab, now."

Xanxus pulls him out of his room every time he does.

10 days after their session and Viper's paranoia has reached a new high. Not once have they been seen without that euro, muttering and touching everything to make sure it's real.

Xanxus has allowed them to ride his head, his flames easing the twitching mutterings.

Xanxus debates having the rest of the Guardians taught mental defenses, but decides against it. The only trustworthy person willing to teach them is almost compromised teaching him. Taking on more than one person, he may lose his Mist.

He'll make sure to finish his training quickly.

.

.

"A little birdie told me that you've been having secret training."

Xanxus hates the way the old man's eyes twinkle. Creepy as fuck.

"Not so much a secret if you know about it now is it, old man?"

Timoteo chuckles and straightens his tie. "No, no I suppose not."

Sitting on the veranda off the Ninths office, a breeze rustles Xanxus' feathers, Timoteo's thin hair.

"Tell that shitty baby of yours to get his cameras out of my house."

A gun is in his face.

"That shitty baby can do what he wants, child."

"Reborn, please don't point that at him."

"I can do what I want."

Xanxus stabs his salad with the vigor of a hungry cow.

"Just know, Xanxus, that if Viper breaks, I break you."

Reborn hops away to a butler and maid off to the side. Probably to flirt with them.

Xanxus downs his orange fizz.

"Mental defense training?"

He shrugs. "Yeah."

Timoteo leans back, taking in the boy who grew up so quick before his eyes.

"Don't lose yourself."

Xanxus scoffs, standing up. It's so stuffy being with him even though they're outside.

"Personal experience?"

Timoteo smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Says who?"

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.

Squalo throws Xanxus' jacket at him. "Going to start training with Viper again, shitty boss?"

Xanxus breaks the carrot with his mouth. Why does everyone know about it.

"What about it?"

Squalo rolls his eyes, his hair brushing the top of his shoulders. The stupid promise and that stupid hair. (Except Xanxus has to agree with everyone that Squalo does have nice hair, maybe)

"Be careful, Xanxus."

Xanxus throws the end of his carrot at Squalo's shitty head.

"Shut the fuck up trash, you don't think I know that already?"

It's not uncommon for them to have arguments anywhere at any time. So arguing in the middle of the hallway, everyone is avoiding the area.

"Voi! Right now you know but once you get used to doing it so fucking much, you forget!"

Xanxus scoffs, turning on his heel away from his Rain.

"And what the hell do you think I have you for, Shark? Just to write pretty letters?"

"Yeah, pretty much, shitty boss!"

Xanxus howls in laughter and walks away.

"I'll drag you back whether you want to or not, Xanxus!"

.

.

He's adopted at 10 by the strongest Famiglia in Italy. 13 when he gets his fist Guardian, Lussaria. 14 when he defeats the head of the Varia.

16 when he begins dream walking.

16 when he learns he's adopted.

And when he almost destroys Vongola in his wrath.

Blood is on his hands, his own and others. Mostly his own.

There's a knife sticking out of his back as he crawls down the stairs to the cellars. There's a tunnel there that he can use to escape and regroup with his Guardians at the front entrance to try again.

A cut in his neck, legs, everywhere from fighting the shitty old man. The bastard who dared call himself his father, who took him in and lied to him-

"Xanxus."

Just that voice alone makes his vision turn red. He shoots blindly behind him, screaming.

Someone shoots at him and his world turns black.

.

.

 _Cold cold cold-  
_  
Why is he so _cold_? It's summer, it shouldn't be cold.

Xanxus open his eyes. He's lying in the grass. To his right, Squalo is by him, sleeping soundly. He's wearing a tank top, his hair splayed around him.

Behind Squalo, he sees Varia mansion. Bel, the little terror, is running to them gleefully with knives. Levi is running after to restrain him. Luss is on the second floor reenacting Romeo and Juliet with an angry Viper.

It's summer so why is he so cold?

"Xanxus?"

He looks at Squalo.

Squalo's eyes are blank, but he speaks with some emotion, "What is it, shitty boss?"

Xanxus sits up, grabbing his cuff link. He twists it onto his sleeve, but it doesnt stay, it falls off. He tries again, and again and _again-_

"Oi-"

" _Shut up_."

Squalo, not not Squalo, the projection of his mind, punches him.

"Voi! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Xanxus stands up, pushing past Bel and Levi. Ignoring Luss' moment, he storms into the mansion, up the stairs to the second floor.

He needs his guns, he doesn't have them on him.

"Boss~ Where are you going?"

"Quiet!"

Xanxus rushes to his office, locking the door so the projections don't bother him. He hears them pounding at his door, but they're not real. They're not his Guardians.

He needs to wake up.

His tanned hands grab the box locked behind a compartment in his bookshelf. Xanxus shakily opens it, grabbing the pistol lying in the velvet.

He needs to wake up.

Xanxus puts the barrel to his temple.

 _Wake up  
_

 _._

 _._

"Limbo is raw, expansive. It's dangerous down there."

Viper is sitting on his head, rubbing their totem in one hand, rubbing a strand of Xanxus' hair in another.

"Why?"

They're sitting on a broken wall of a dirt road waiting for their ride. Squalo better be here in 10 minutes or so help him-

"Because nothing is there. You create anything out of nothing, never stopping. It's the subconscious. How easily can one control their subconscious?"

Not easily at all. Xanxus takes in the view of the mountains, the snow capping the tops. They're at the bottom of the valley where the heat of summer has settled in. A few sweat beads roll down Xanxus' forehead.

"Whoever you share the mind space with, then you can achieve Limbo. It's not a singular experience."

Xanxus crosses his legs, trying to keep them awake while waiting for the shitty shark.

"However, recent research suggest because of interaction with flames, people can create their own Limbo and trap themselves in it."

Viper is flipping their coin, desperately holding onto Xanxus' hair.

"What did you make down there?"

Viper stops flipping it.

"Everything. No limitations to what can be made."

"Which means no stopper to your deepest desires."

Viper hums distantly. Xanxus certainly can see the threat to that. Losing awareness to the dream in favor of the thrill of your desires.

But they can't easily be given on a silver platter.

He lets some flames loose, allowing Viper to take some for them self. They breathe deeply in relief.

"Whoever does lose themselves in Limbo, and wakes up, have a hard time adjusting to reality."

Xanxus remembers his studies, mostly of Illusionists, who took on extreme jobs that long after the job is over, taken their own life.

"Is that what happened to Luce?"

Viper doesn't answer.

.

.

From the moment he wakes, he realizes he's lying in the dirt of a training ground. Squalo is looking down at him, his shoulder length hair is muddled with dirt and twigs.

"Voi, don't tell me you're that easy to defeat, shitty boss?" His voice is so annoyingly loud.

Xanxus pushes himself up, pulling his guns out. "Shut it, trash!"

They go at it for an hour, neither backing down. No matter how much he sweats or feels the warm wind hit him, he can't stop shivering.

"Shaking because you're scared, boss?" Squalo cackles, his sword dropping to his side. Xanxus shoots him square in the chest.

Squalo drops to the ground, not moving. Xanxus stares for an ungodly amount of time, realizing he just killed his Guardian.

No. He didn't, Squalo never dies, he should have seen that coming. Why why _why-_

A blast of cold air hits him and Xanxus shivers.

It's summer and it's so fucking cold and he just fucking killed his best friend-

Wait.

Xanxus grabs his cufflink. He puts it on, but it does hold, it falls off. He stares at the fallen feather, feeling the chill overtake him.

 _No no no no  
_  
Why isn't he awake? He should be he fucking shot himself in the fucking head he should be awake-

"What's going on!" Xanxus screams, shooting at the trees, the shacks the projections of his mind.

Why can't he wake up?

He picks up his cufflink, gripping it tight that the edges bite into his skin drawing blood.

He takes the gun to his head.

.

.

Xanxus jolts awake, almost falling out of his throne.

Squalo and Bel laugh at his action.

"Someone got fucking hammered on his birthday!"

Levi is on the floor next to his feet. Viper is on his head, sleeping soundly. Luss is a mess from drinking so much.

Xanxus takes in the broken windows and and chairs strewn about the parlor. He shivers at the mess.

"How's it feel to be 18, boss?" Luss asks, but it comes out slow and slurred. He knocks out before he can finish the question.

"Like hell."

Squalo is on the top of a couch laughing, Bel upside down on the couch snickering devilishly.

"The King's 18~ The King's 18~" Bel sings over and over.

And doesn't fucking stop.

Xanxus throws his empty vodka bottle at the bloody little shit.

He still has some throw in him if he only missed by 3 feet while hungover.

Bel and Squalo are howling at the miss.

Bel's hair is wild and sticking up like he touched static. He's missing a boot and his tiara is place neatly on his head. Yeah, he's definitely had a wild night if he can't be bothered to tilt his shitty tiara.

Squalo's shoulder length hair is swept into a high side ponytail and his jacket is on backwards like a dumbass.

He is a dumbass.

"Happy Fucking Birthday, Xanxus!" Squalo takes a swig of his drink and drops off the couch. Bel rolls off and under the table, laughing maniacally.

Xanxus groans and rubs his head. 18 already? What a fucking nightmare.

Levi jolts up. "BOSS!"

Xanxus punches him. "Don't scream in my fucking ear, trash!"

Levi bows in apology, "Please forgive me! I just want to remind you that the Ninth is coming over for breakfast today!"

Xanxus jumps to his feet, staggering to the door.

"My fucking luck."

Sitting together with the old man in the dining room, Xanxus ignore the cold atmosphere of being in the same room as Timoteo.

Cold cold cold that's all he fucking _ever_ is these days, isn't it?

Xanxus tries to think back to the past few days. He doesn't remember purposefully pissing off the old man, so why this cold chill whenever he looks at him?

"Have a good birthday, son?"

Xanxus shrugs, munching contently on waffles.

"Got wasted, ate cake, slept."

Timoteo chuckles. "Sounds like any other day."

Xanxus squints at the old man. Was he implying something?

The Ninth raises his hands in defense. "Nothing, nothing."

He hears tapping against the window. Looking to it, hail is hitting it. Fucking hail storm in October?

"What's the matter, son?"

Again that shiver. It angers him. Why why _why_ does he feel like he's forgetting something? He can't be, he's usually on top of things. His memory isn't bad, so what is this feeling?

"Son?" A cold hand is on his shoulder.

So cold.

The hand has blood on it. So much blood it drips down to Xanxus' lap.

"You're not my father."

Xanxus stumbles back. Away from this man who claims to be his father.

"Xanxus, yes you are-"

Xanxus stares horrified at the projection who stops talking.

Asleep.

He's asleep.

His voice almost cracks when he speaks, "How?"

"How what?"

"How am I still sleeping? I should be awake now." He feels for his totem. It's in his breast pocket and grasps onto it for dear life trying to put it on.

It won't stay.

 _No no no_

"Xanxus!" Timoteo makes a move to grab his shoulders but Xanxus is quicker to pull his gun out to aim.

At himself.

"Son!"

.

.

They hit a bump in the road, jolting Xanxus awake. Who the fuck let Squalo drive?

"Out of the driver's seat, now, scum!"

Squalo swats at him. "Don't distract the driver!"

Bel laughs from the back. Being a gangly 13 year old, his limbs easily wrap themselves around Squalo's neck and pulls him back.

"Yeah, no distracting the driver!"

Squalo chokes and the car swerves.

Levi, the monster that he is, laughs loudly and kicks his legs up over the edge of the convertible in the back.

Luss pulls down on his hat and frowns. "Really, boys?" Viper sighs from their perched spot on Xanxus' head.

Squalo slams on the brakes to the side of the road. It jerks everyone forward but they're alive for one more day, surprisingly.

"Move it, scum!"

A change in drivers later, they're speeding down the backroads of Italy. Lush, beautiful Italy. Rolling hills and farms zoom by. Xanxus makes a conscious effort to avoid main roads so they won't get shot at constantly.

It's been a while since he's driven.

At least, he thinks it has.

When was the last time he's driven?

The wind is biting against his cheeks and the car swerves slightly. Squalo grabs the wheel from his passenger side to steady it.

"What the fuck, shitty boss?"

When was the last time he's driven?

Xanxus stares at Squalo, ignoring the road entirely.

"Last week, remember when you were driving and the hitman hit our car? You hit your head."

It's like he read his mind. Yeah, he remembers. He hit his head hard. He can remember the blood dripping down his face.

"Right."

Squalo shakes his head, his short hair swaying from the motion.

"Shitty boss with shitty memory."

Xanxus punches his Rain Guardian.

.

.

Xanxus sets the phone down. The Ninth is preparing for the soon to be Tenth's ceremony. And he will not stop bugging Xanxus to wear proper shoes for the occasion. Boots are shoes, so they're proper, so the Ninth can fuck off.

He spins a few times in his office chair. Finally Timoteo is stepping down. _Finally_.

Xanxus sighs and gets up, stretching his tight muscles from sitting for so long. A glance to the mirror, he takes a moment to consider how long it's been since he's been part of the mafia.

No longer is he the small, 10 year old that got scraped knees and bruised knuckles from a few punches. Now he's 24 and walking tall and proud at his title of Varia leader. His features are sharp, skin tanner and smooth, not a scrape on it. His eyes are more slanted, sharp. Black hair that's wild as the day his mother sent him to live with his father, Timoteo.

14 years later, he can stand besides his brothers and watch the title of Tenth be given to his older brother and be proud of Vongola all over again.

Xanxus takes his jacket over his shoulder and strides out to the hall. Tomorrow is the day of the ceremony.

Better get hammered today.

By the time he reaches the top of the staircase, Bel, who was perched on the rail, slides down it at a ridiculously fast speed. Bel flies off and lands on Levi. The Lightning Guardian face plants into the hardwood.

"The Prince has arrived!"

Luss raises a card with the number 9 on it from his seat. Squalo raises an 8. Levi yells.

Xanxus is going to enjoy this more with some liquor. And he does.

It's past 2am and they need to be up at 4am to head to Vongola mansion. Xanxus would much rather have Levi carry him to the car to avoid walking so he can drink more and not drop his bottle.

"Oi."

The foot resting on his stomach lifts up then down.

"What, shark?"

Xanxus is on the couch, Squalo on the floor, his feet on Xanxus. Bel is asleep in the chandelier holding Viper. Luss turns over in the smashed coffee table. Levi is headfirst in the fireplace. Maybe they should light a fire-

"Proud to call you my boss."

Xanxus slaps the closest foot. Squalo snickers, too tired to laugh his usual, annoying laugh it seems.

"Whatever."

Xanxus takes a look at his team. His team.

Bel is no longer a creepy, bloody kid but a creepy, bloody teenager who could use a haircut. His storm guardian who calls him King.

Levi, the lost puppy that has a bit of a stalker problem with him but damn good in a fight when thrown out into it announced.

Viper an Arcobaleno who follows him, who's stolen his wallet one too many times and rerouted Varia funds to their own personal account too much. Incredible dealer and Illusionist he's ever met.

Luss, his first Guardian who should lose the boa but a cook and fighter he'd never give up for the world.

Squalo, his annoyingly loud best friend who never seems to die. One of the few who knows how to calm him down. Honestly, he might die because of him one of these days from reckless driving.

 _His_ shitty team and no one else's. Xanxus closes his eyes, settling on the idea to sleep at least some before his brother's ceremony.

"Trash."

"What?"

"Hand me the blanket."

A blanket drops across his face.

"Voi, you're always so cold."

Xanxus drapes it across his torso (and Squalo's feet). "Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don't know."

Squalo snickers, "Whatever. Sweet dreams, Xanxus."

Xanxus shivers. It's so cold.

.

.

The ceremony is over and it's only 1pm. What sort of party ends at 1 pm? What is this a party for 8 year olds?

Xanxus walks the grounds of Vongola's property. The stupidly massive property.

Hopping the brooke, Xanxus casually balances on rocks and fallen trees to the farthest reaches of the land. Squalo is taking over the talks while Bel and Levi are just, Bel and Levi'ing about. Luss is still hungover from last night and is sleeping in one of the rooms. That leaves Xanxus by himself since he doesn't care about formalities.

His brother is the Tenth, his father is retired and Vongola is still standing. Just how it should be, how he wanted it to be. He's the youngest so he always knew it'd be damn near impossible for him to overtake Vongola. So why not be King of Varia? He gets to shoot more there than he ever did working directly Vongola. His trigger happy fingers twitch at the thought.

Xanxus kicks his dress shoes off. The water is cool, much too cool for summer.

"Isn't it too perfect, Xanxus?"

Xanxus crouches down in the stream, staring at the waters breaks and debris.

"Don't speak riddles with me, baby. Spit it out."

Xanxus is on edge, unsure how Viper followed him the whole way unnoticed. He turns to look at the newcomer, not expecting to see a fully grown person in a cloak with markings much like Viper. Much like what Viper would be if they weren't a baby.

But it's not them.

"Who are you?" Xanxus' guns are already in hand, pointing at the stranger.

The person sighs, "I'm here to help, Boss."

Xanxus stands, gun never leaving the target (head).

"What part of spit it out do you not understand? What help do I need from you, trash?"

The water's chill is intense against his skin, and he realizes he's shaking. It shouldn't be this cold.

"You're dreaming, Xanxus. You need to wake up."

Xanxus shoots, but it goes straight through them. An illusion, of course.

"Show yourself, trash!"

He knows it's foolish to say that. Any sane person would stay away from danger and keep the upper hand.

The illusion shimmers and returns to normal. "Have you forgotten your training so easily, Boss?"

He spreads his flames around him, trying to detect the real body.

There isn't a real body.

Xanxus sends his flames to the mansion, but it's empty. There's no sign of life in there.

Xanxus drops his arms.

"Where's your totem, boss?"

Xanxus drops to his knees, full on tremors racking his body from how cold he is.

"Boss!"

"No way."

Viper appears before him, grabbing his shoulders. "Find your totem and wake up."

His ears are ringing loudly.

"We're going to help wake you up, but you have to find your totem before we do. Go, now!"

Xanxus struggles to stand up, both from his trembling legs and the now shaking ground.

He's sprinting to the mansion, he needs to get the keys to the car and get back to Varia mansion.

 _Foolish foolish foolish-_

Xanxus nearly trips on the stairs into the mansion. He finds Squalo in the west wing of the mansion.

Xanxus tears the suit jacket off Squalo, grabbing the keys.

"Voi! Boss what the _fuck_ are you doing?!"

Xanxus pauses, staring at his best friend. The ringing is incessant and loud, but he asks quietly, to be sure-

"Why haven't you grown out your hair?"

Squalo blinks and touches his hair, "What do you mean why? You didn't want me to, remember?"

Xanxus drops the jacket and runs.

Like hell he did.

.

.

Xanxus crash parks the car through the front door. Maids and butlers jump in surprise, other Varia members rush to stop a possible threat.

"Stay away from me, trash!"

The mansion is breaking as he climbs the stairs. Faster faster he needs to be _faster_

Where the hell did he put it?

" _There once was a lady who locked herself away from the world. She planted the seed of an idea in her own head to escape reality. She let it grow, burying the piece of herself deep within the confines of her mind. When help came, she looked for her piece she hid from herself. Desperate and lost, she looked and looked-  
_  
Xanxus trashes each room, looking for the safe that held his totem.

 _\- while her world crumbled down oh so fast.  
_  
The roof blows off his office. Xanxus stops. He sprints to the library.

 _"Not just Luce."_

 _Xanxus and Viper are gathered by the pavillion at Vongola mansion, taking a break from the party._

 _Xanxus doesn't speak, Viper continues. "Aria wanted to be with her daughter again. Didn't realize she already was."_

 _Viper crosses their legs on the railing. "With their powers, their dreams interfere with their foretelling. Aria believed herself to be in a time her daughter wasn't born."_

 _Viper clenches their totem._

" _She went back home."_

He knocks down bookcase after bookcase, looking for that one hidden compartment Squalo and he discovered all those years ago, the first time he visited Varia mansion.

Xanxus' hands stop on an old, torn book. It looks so much like the only one his mother owned.

He pulls it down, hears the click. The wall to the side has a square hole in it.

He grabs the totem.

The walls crash, leaving him alone in debris.

He shakily brings a gun to his head.

Xanxus is so cold.

.

.

Xanxus gasps, his chest hurts, his body hurts _hurts hurts-  
_  
"Boss!"

He's shaking hard, his fingers and toes are numb and dark.

"Luss, we need you here, now!"

He thinks they're speaking over walkie talkie, can't tell when everything is fucking dark. Something tickles his face, fleeting and soft-

"Shitty Boss, don't you dare go back!"

His head twists from an impact. _Did someone just fucking slap him?  
_  
Xanxus blinks, the darkness receding to the edges.

A creepy laugh from above catches his attention. "Nice slap, sharkboy."

 _He fucking knew it_. Xanxus throws an arm in the direction of whoever slapped him, but ultimately fails since his arm only spasms instead.

"Don't move, just stay down and don't lose yourself."

Xanxus' twitching is becoming less and less, his labored breathing almost evening out. Whatever his body was doing tires him out immensely.

He closes his eyes and sleeps, feeling warm again.

.

.

Xanxus awakens in his room midday a week later. Every part of him aches so badly.

Viper is there, twisting their euro with their fingers.

"Good to see you again, Boss."

Xanxus stares at the coin, entranced by the shimmer again. His ears ring-

"Boss."

He blinks. "Baby."

"Your totem is in your pocket. I made sure no one touched it or removed your clothing else it be threatened."

Xanxus pats his breast pocket. He feels the weight of it on his chest as he does. He sits up. Shakily, he takes it out and attaches it to his sleeve. It doesn't fall off.

"How did I get down there?"

Viper spins the euro on the tip of their finger. Xanxus thumbs the edge of cufflink.

"Timoteo used Zero Point Breakthrough: First Edition on you. You were frozen and couldn't properly wake up. Each time you tried forcing yourself awake, you were just thrown back. His flames also kept you locked in your own mindscape to prevent you from possibly waking and trying to break out."

Xanxus wants to scream, shoot something, someone, but he doesn't. He's far too drained.

"And how long was I in limbo?"

Viper grimaces.

"Viper," he grounds out.

"8 years."

He sighs.

"I'm going to sleep."

.

.

Squalo is the next person he sees when he wakes up a day later.

"Morning, sleeping beauty."

Xanxus glares at him. The Rain's hair is past shoulder length, now at his lower back.

"Why didn't you cut your hair?"

Squalo merely stares at him. "I made a promise, remember?"

"Didn't ask you to keep it, moron."

"Don't care about what you think, bastard."

Xanxus barks out a laugh, throwing an arm over his eyes. Squalo chuckles too, ignoring the glimmer trailing down his cheek.

Xanxus is shorter than what he was in limbo. Guess being frozen stunted his growth a bit. ( _A lot_ )

24 and he's barely grown into his features. Still has baby fat on certain limbs and cheeks, skinnier than when he was 16, and now marred excessively from the ice.

The scars ache. Every movement and pull sends a searing pain to his core that leaves him breathless for seconds. Ugly, ugly scars that can't be hidden. His face, no longer clear and bright, has two deep gashes on his forehead and cheek. He wasn't much to talk before being frozen, but he definitely isn't now from the pain of moving his mouth. The scar gouged out quite a bit of skin that it's almost flimsy.

Xanxus lifts his hand to his face, watching it closely in the mirror. He's still tan, but not the healthy sun kissed tan he had as a youth. Lack of sunlight, frozen shut in a dusty cellar for 8 years and his skin is nearly translucent.

Luss said that he is barred from missions for a few months so his skin can strengthen and thicken, until he's at a healthy weight again.

Luss didn't say anything about his mind.

Xanxus brings his totem to his face, letting it touch his lips. His scarred hands holds his life.

24 and he carries a lifeline with him.

.

.

Xanxus is laying on the grass on the far reaches of Varia property. He stares at the brilliant blue sky, watching the clouds drift by. He can't take his eyes off it. He twists and turns his totem on his chest, making sure to feel every nick and curve, the weight and feel of it in every position.  
He already knows what it feels like in every position, but he has to make sure. He's awake.

 _Awake awake awake-_

Squalo found him an hour ago and quietly laid beside him.

It's so warm. He reaches out and grabs a long strand of silver.

"Xanxus."

It's so real.

"Xanxus."

He blinks. What was he doing?

"Where am I?"

Squalo looks at him. "Varia mansion."

Xanxus looks into his Guardian's eyes. They're not blank.

Xanxus snorts, making Squalo's brow raise.

"What?"

"You weren't kidding when you said you'd bring me back."

Squalo smirks. "Of course I wasn't shitty boss."

Xanxus closes his eyes so he can sleep.

"Don't stop."

.

.

.


End file.
